I don't think there is any real way of getting up after losing a child. No matter what the circumstances are surrounding such a loss there is an emptiness that lingers. And unfortunately, the decision to terminate for medical reasons comes with personalized guilt. The culture we live in only adds to it and I've noticed it pins mothers against mothers (those who did not elect against those who did). But we all lost someone we love and struggle to move forward. Sometimes our momentum is slow and sometimes we lose direction.
I find listening to other women on support groups comforting. When I'm up late worrying about a misdiagnosis or wondering if my baby could have been the highly functional 1% with minimal health problems, I go through TFMR boards on Baby Center. The stories there are similar to my own and I walk away feeling as if the women from each post are holding me up and helping me inch forward.
Because the thing is ... many people don't know how to respond to a friend or a family member mourning the loss of a pregnancy, baby, or infant. Sometimes people don't understand how losing someone in utero or a stillbirth can be devastating Or they simply lack words to convey their sorrow and stand back. So it's difficult to recover because you're isolated and overwhelmed with grief. And it feels as if you're experiencing this alone. That's why I turn to support groups and counseling. The idea of better hasn't happened yet, but the only security I feel comes from knowing I'm making an effort to find it. And that others are going through the same pain and many women have found a sense of peace despite it.
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